so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
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