I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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