You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
