something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
