too bad you live with your parents still
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
