forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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