Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
