For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
is wine microwaveable?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
