you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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