Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
