just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
