true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
