I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
