you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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