I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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