It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
