It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
