Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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