So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
