I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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