respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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