i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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