Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
