Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
