god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
