I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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