In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize