textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
They have beer where we have blood.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
