True but thats because hes a fetus.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
