So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
