you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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