A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
