you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
