Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
