he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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