dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
