so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
