this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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