conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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