My hand turned me down
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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