He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
