I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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