If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
