No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
