we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize