I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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