im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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