If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
