I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
