I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
