An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
