"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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