dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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