what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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