I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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