I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
