I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i've created a new STD.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
