Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
