he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
