I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
