The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
