I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
