No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
