I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
