These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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