I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
