Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
