Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
