If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
