is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
