Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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