So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
