so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His hands were made for my vagina.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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