he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
