how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
