I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
