Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
