I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
