I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
