i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
