can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
