i think i have two assholes
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
