All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
